Life's changes
by Geraldine
Summary: He'd always thought he'd leave this place with everyone else.


Title : Life's changes  
  
Author : Géraldine  
  
Email : lazy.gege@ibelgique.com  
  
Category : Drama, AU  
  
Pairing : Sam/OFC  
  
Rating : G  
  
Summary : Who said Sam had no life?  
  
Disclaimer : They belong to Aaron Sorkin, John Wells Productions, NBC, Warner Brothers, and I hope I haven't forgotten anyone. So obviously, they don't belong to me. I'm not making money for this story, I just have too much free time on my hands. So I'm begging : don't sue.  
  
Spoilers : To be safe, the three seasons.  
  
Thanks a lot to my beta.  
  
LIFE'S CHANGES  
  
Géraldine  
  
June 2005  
  
Sam stood in his now empty office, looking at it one last time before leaving. All the boxes he'd packed earlier were in his car, his friends were waiting for him in CJ's office, giving him a few minutes alone. They were all going to the bar they usually went to - the last evening together as the senior staff of the President.  
  
He'd always thought he'd leave this place with everyone else. He'd thought he'd stay here until the President got back to New Hampshire. When he first started at the White House, he didn't think that anything would ever be worth quitting the challenge and excitement that his career gave him.  
  
Yet, here he was, ready to go, and he took the time to think back about the last four and a half years, and about the events that had brought him there.  
  
*****  
  
Lucy Carpenter had moved to Washington just after Sam had learned about his father's infidelity. He knew her since Princeton. He still remembered the party where Jesse, his brother, had introduced them to each other. They'd talked for hours that night, while the other students around them were trying complicated dance figures, some more successfully than others.  
  
They became friends and spent the next few months telling each other about who they met and who they dated or debating politics and points of law. He learned to know her - her endless rants about frivolous problems, her complete inability to arrive anywhere on time, her love for law practice and her political ideals. Like so many other students, and like himself, she wanted to change the world. He didn't know if she'd succeed, but he was sure she'd try her very best. She left the university one year before him, and while he missed her that year, they managed to stay in touch.  
  
Jesse got married as Sam was finishing his first year in Duke. His sister- in-law, Cecilia, got pregnant almost immediately. Both he and Lucy attended the wedding, as maid of honour and best man. When Mike, and later Sarah, were born, they were asked to become godfather and godparents.  
  
"I'd completely understand if you refused", his older brother told them a few hours after Mike's birth, eyeing them nervously.  
  
"Yeah, like I'm gonna say no to that," Lucy teased.  
  
"Well, I'm. what I'm trying to say is that it's a big responsibility and."  
  
Sam thought about torturing him a little, pretending to be offended by the implication that he wasn't mature enough to understand what was at stake, but one look at his brother made him change his mind. For the first time in their lives, he felt like the older one. Jesse was so in awe with his son that he seemed to forget there were other people in the room with him.  
  
It suddenly dawned on him that his own brother was a father - the same brother who was always trying to scare him with monster stories when they were kids, the same brother who'd told him that his teddy bear was the reincarnation of an old shaman who had killed all the children of his village. And the same one who'd taught him how to drive and had told him how he was supposed to behave on his first date. They were becoming adults, and Sam wasn't sure he liked the idea.  
  
The fact that Lucy was Mike's godmother made her an "official" member of the family for everyone, and she became an integral part of the family reunions, which gave her the opportunity to meet Sam on a regular basis.  
  
So years later, when Lucy moved to Washington, Sam invited her for dinner. It was two weeks after he had learned about his parents' situation and she'd managed to make him admit feelings he wasn't even conscious about. She read him like an open book.  
  
"You sure you're just a lawyer? You didn't secretly graduate in psychology without telling me? ", he'd asked, only half joking.  
  
"I'm just a lawyer. But I know you."  
  
She'd been right, of course. And she'd understood why he'd felt so betrayed by the President's admission that he had MS.  
  
She'd helped him a lot in the months following that.  
  
And then, one night, without really meaning to, they slept together. They'd been sitting in her apartment for hours, talking, and one thing led to another. When they woke up, the next morning, instead of the awkwardness they'd expected, they realized that they actually felt comfortable that way. "Like that was meant to be", Sam had thought.  
  
When he told her that, she looked at him, surprised. " I was wondering if we'd made a mistake", she admitted. "But I don't. I'm just worried about what will happen to us if it doesn't work. But I'm willing to take the chance."  
  
So they took tentative steps away from friendship, toward love, but it took them a while to admit to themselves, and to each other, that they were truly in love.  
  
In the following months, their relationship was the only thing that kept him from resigning. He felt useless, betrayed, his work was weighing heavily on him, but somehow, having someone who was waiting for him at home made it easier.  
  
By the time the President delivered the State of the Union, he was seriously considering the job offers that were sent his way by law firms who wanted him on board. The night after the State of the union, after he'd erased the cancer portion of the speech, he typed a resignation letter. It wasn't the first one but never before had he been so close to sending it. He actually printed it, which was a first for him, and he took it home with him. He never showed it to anyone, though. He just waited. It was almost unbearable, but he hadn't reached the point of no return. Yet.  
  
Then, one day, the president invited him on a chess game. And talked to him as if his opinion mattered to him. And told him that he believed in him. That was all he needed to burn the letter.  
  
He'd begun to feel better when Kevin Khan screwed him over. And he typed a resignation letter again, the night the story broke. And didn't send it. Then, the sadness faded, and the urge to fly away from this town with it.  
  
Things got back to normal, or rather as normal as they ever were in the White House. But fate, as he was beginning to learn, had always plans. Early August, just as he and Lucy moved in together in a new apartment, he got a late night call from New York. A cop was looking for the next of kin of Jesse Seaborn. And his life changed again.  
  
His brother and sister-in-law had been killed in a car accident. Thankfully, the children weren't with them. Jesse died before the ambulances got on the crash site. Cecilia was still alive when she was wheeled in the ER. She didn't make it to the operation room.  
  
Sam and Lucy took the first plane to New York, and took charge of the situation. In retrospect, Sam realized that she had done most of the job. He was too stunned to fully understand what had just happened.  
  
The funeral was a nightmare.  
  
As he was standing next to Jesse's grave, he remembered his eight birthday. Back then, it was already becoming obvious that Sam would write for a living. He left sheets of paper everywhere in the house, stories of spaceships and superheroes covering them. Jesse had laughed, at first. But one day, he came to see Sam with what Sam thought was his better story ever. He looked at him and said : "If you ever, ever stop writing, I'll have your ass." This simple compliment from his brother was all the encouragement he needed. And on his next birthday, Jesse convinced his parents to buy Sam a typewriter. Sam still had it, even if he didn't use it anymore.  
  
After the funeral, when the crowd had left, leaving only close family in the house that had been his brother's, the family talked about the two kids, establishing a list of all the relatives who would be able to take them home. That's when he really understood that his brother was gone.  
  
A memory came suddenly to his mind. He was thirteen, and the local bully kept threatening him. He'd asked Jesse to talk to the guy, to protect him, and his brother had looked at him : "I can't do that. It'll only make it worse. You gotta learn how to defend yourself." So Jesse had waited until their parents were gone to a party, and he'd taken Sam to the park surrounding the house to show him self-defence moves.  
  
Lucy was looking worriedly at him when he came back to the present.  
  
"You okay?", she asked.  
  
"Yeah. Just thinking."  
  
"I know. He was . I loved him too."  
  
Sam knew how Lucy had reacted when Jesse had asked her to be Mike's godmother. Her family consisted in two grandparents who had retired to Florida and an aunt she never saw. Jesse had once told her she was part of the "Seaborn tribe" and while he'd meant it as a joke, Sam had seen how it had moved her to hear that.  
  
"Yeah", he said softly, squeezing her hand before he turned his attention back to the problem at hand. The family was discussing sending the children to Los Angeles with the Sam's parents. Sam almost grimaced at the thought.  
  
He had carefully watched his parents during the funeral. They'd spent the day looking at each other with resentment. He hadn't meant to eavesdrop on them, but he'd heard them arguing before they'd gone to the church. They were trying to blame each other for what had happened and for the first time, Sam had realized he had to face the fact that their marriage was definitely over. Every fantasy he'd entertained about them getting back together got thrown by the window that day.  
  
They were so mad at each other they couldn't even help each other. He couldn't really picture them taking care of two kids.  
  
Thankfully, he didn't have to voice his opinions right then as the rest of the family tactfully went on with the list without giving too much thought to that idea.  
  
Later that night, at their hotel, Lucy suddenly spoke up, hesitantly. "I'm their godmother."  
  
"I know."  
  
"And you're - "  
  
"Yeah."  
  
"So logically, that makes us ."  
  
"You think we could?", Sam asked. He had already thought about it, but how do you ask someone who's not officially engaged to you . He stopped that train of thought. Official or not, their relationship was solid.  
  
"Why not?", Lucy said. "It's not that I underestimate the seriousness of that responsibility, but . materially, we can do it. We're in a commited relationship, we're their family, we love them. Why not?"  
  
"Why not?", he repeated, and in his mind, that settled it.  
  
Sam had to go back to the White House, so Lucy stayed long enough to clear the furniture and find someone to rent the house to, since it would later belong to the children. She packed the kids' things, and took them home with her.  
  
Meanwhile, Sam had managed to spare a few hours to visit apartments, appreciating the irony of the situation - they hadn't even unpacked from the first move, yet. But they needed something bigger. When Lucy came back in Washington, he'd had their things brought in their new place, and he'd arranged rooms for Mike and Sarah. All the members of the senior staff had given him a hand, even Leo, and Sam knew they were worried. Some moves are funnier than others, and this one was caused by tragic circumstances.  
  
Lucy brought the kids home with her, they helped them to get settled, and started to organize themselves.  
  
The next few months were hectic, to say the least. With the campaign now in its final stages, Sam had to be in his office from 7 to 11, at best, which left Lucy alone to handle Mike and Sarah. She'd asked for a leave of absence, but she was missing her job. And the kids were going through harsh times, dealing with the loss of their parents and the home they'd always known, their schoolmates, and having to adjust to a new lifestyle.  
  
On top of it all, Mary March began insinuating in the press that the kids would be better off with "real parents" - meaning, in her mouth, married ones. Sam was watching the televised debate she was in, and got ballistic. Toby took more than an hour to calm him down. The press took the story in stride, wondering why Lucy and Sam didn't get married, since they were living together with two children in their care.  
  
To Leo, who was asking him the same thing, Sam simply answered, "Believe it or not, we were thinking about it. But we want to take our time. And it's none of their damn business if we want to wait."  
  
Truth was, he had the ring. He had bought it three days before the accident. But he hadn't wanted to propose in the heat of re-election, while they were struggling to make two kids happy. And he didn't want her to think he was asking because of their "situation".  
  
So he had decided to put the ring in the bank, and to wait for the hypothetical "better time."  
  
Mary March toyed a moment with "family values", until Reverend Caldwell came for an impromptu visit at the White House, and ran into Sam, who was showing Sarah where he was working.  
  
When he saw Caldwell looking at them from his office's door, Sam gently put Sarah on the floor and introduced her to the visitor, before telling her to go see what Josh was doing.  
  
The girl gone, Caldwell looked at Sam sympathetically. : "I didn't have a chance to extend my condolences to you for your brother", he said.  
  
"We received your card. Thanks."  
  
"Sam . Believe it or not, I don't agree with what Mary is doing."  
  
"Well, that's nice, Reverend, but maybe you should tell HER instead of me."  
  
"I need her."  
  
"No, you don't. But we've had this conversation before, haven't we, Reverend?"  
  
Caldwell was about to answer when Leo appeared in the doorway.  
  
"Reverend, I was hoping to have a few words with you."  
  
Caldwell and Leo left. Sam was sure it was the end of the story. He liked Caldwell, he really did, but he wished the man took a stand once in a while.  
  
He was about to be granted that wish.  
  
The next morning, Caldwell and Mary March were on one of the morning shows, opposing Sam. It didn't take March five minutes to attack Sam on the adoption of two innocent kids while he was "living in sin", as she put it. And to everyone surprise, Caldwell told her to shut up. "It takes an incredible amount of courage and love to raise someone else's kid as your own, and to love that kid like you would your own. I just wish more people could find it in them to do just that. I want more people like that in my government."  
  
Not surprisingly, the subject was dropped.  
  
Everyone worked hard, and they won the election.  
  
The party that followed was probably the wilder one Sam had ever attended. Toby actually drank enough to sing a Celine Dion song with CJ and the assistants carefully recorded the event, "just in case".  
  
The party went on until, at four in the morning, an inebriated Donna almost managed to convince Josh to do a strip tease. That's when Leo decided to send everybody home before things went too far.  
  
When the euphoria following the re-election began to die down at the White House, Lucy came to Sam one night.  
  
"We need to talk", she said, and his heart skipped a beat. "We need to talk" was never good in his experience.  
  
"Yeah. OK. Go ahead."  
  
"I'm pregnant."  
  
His first, wholehearted reaction was : "Oh, that's all? You had me worried."  
  
She looked at him incredulously and he quickly amended, "I mean, it's not a bad thing for you, is it?"  
  
She smiled and he realized that everything was fine between the two of them. And that they were going to have a baby.  
  
Sam proposed to her the next night.  
  
"I wanted to do it right, I wanted to do it at a time when there wouldn't be a thousand things going on at once, but I'm tired of waiting", he said. "I bought that ring more than six months ago, I want to give it to you now. Not because of the kids. Not because of Mary March. Just . because."  
  
They got married two months later. None of them wanted a big wedding, and Lucy didn't want to look fat in her wedding pictures. They had a small civil ceremony, and then they gave a party at home. When they signed the papers, Sam thought about Jesse, who had first introduced them and who should have been his best man. He wondered if his brother had thought things would go that far between them.  
  
Lucy worked as far through her pregnancy as she could. They decided their first child would be named after Lucy's parents - Mary for a girl, Steven for a boy.  
  
Lucy was at work when she went into labour. Sam got a phone call telling him to rush to the hospital. The delivery took more than 14 hours, and in the tenth hour, she told him that she'd never do that again. But when the doctor put her daughter in her arms, she began to cry and told Sam that she wanted at least five others before they stopped.  
  
The first few months after Mary's birth were insane. Terrorists threatened the country, Sam spent an entire month working 20 hours a day. When he managed to get home for a few hours of sleep, the cries of Mary woke him. He was wiped out, and the arguments between him and Lucy got more frequent. She resented being alone with the kids all the time, and while she understood the seriousness of the situation, she wanted to have her husband with her once in a while.  
  
He'd hoped things would settle down once the terrorist threat was dealt with. For the first time in years, he loved his job with the same passion he'd felt during the first year of the administration. But even when the work hours became bearable again, he still had a family he never saw. The kids were in bed when he came home and he just saw them five minutes in the morning. He missed them, and he missed not being there for the important events of their lives.  
  
He wasn't sure what to do, until he once came home and found Lucy waiting for him.  
  
He slumped into a chair, and looked at her.  
  
"This is insane. We're never going to make it that way", she said sadly.  
  
"I know. I know. Look.The University of California contacted me again. There's gonna be a vacancy there next year."  
  
"Again?"  
  
"They had approached me before, but Sarah and Mikey were beginning to adjust, we weren't married .I didn't want to uproot everyone. Now.I don't know. I think it would be conceivable to move. What . what do you think?"  
  
"Would you like it? Teaching, I mean."  
  
"I think so, yeah." He smiled. "I'd already thought about it. And.maybe not forever, but for a while.yes."  
  
"You know, if you have doubts, you could still find a job in a private firm. I could contact my ex associates."  
  
"We'd still have the same problems", he pointed out. "I'd still have to go early, to work late.No, I think it's a good solution. The research I need, I'll be able to do it home. I'll have flexible hours. But we'd need to go to California."  
  
"I don't have a problem with that."  
  
"Then, we need to see it with the kids."  
  
"You already talked to the others?"  
  
"No. But.I think the President knew long before I did. And Leo and Toby aren't that far behind him, I'd say."  
  
Once the details were worked out with the University, he told the President he would be leaving in July, which left the staff several months to find someone to replace him and to take care of a few things he wanted to do himself. He felt moved by the support the President and Leo gave him. The other staffers were more difficult to deal with.  
  
The day he warned them, Josh came in his office after everyone had gone home.  
  
"Why?" he asked.  
  
Sam sighed at the betrayal he heard in his friend's voice. "Josh, it's not- "  
  
"We've had problems, but we were getting over it. And you were happy with your job again. Why leaving now? What's changed?"  
  
"I have a family. That's what changed. And I'd love to wait until the President's term is over, but by then, Mary will be three, she'll walk, she'll talk, and if I stay here, I'm gonna miss her first word. And I want to see Sarah acting in theatre, and I want to help Mike with his homework. He wants to be an astronaut, and I didn't even know that."  
  
"Still.we could make your job easier. You wouldn't have to stay so late. You-"  
  
"Josh, it's not gonna happen. It's Bartlet's last term, he deserves a staff that's behind him one hundred percent. He wants to accomplish grand things and I can't help him with that if all I can think about is . I love it here, but my family comes first now."  
  
Josh argued, but Sam knew he'd already won. The next few months went by in a blur. Lucy was dealing with the formalities of the move, Sam was making sure the transition between him and his successor would be swift.  
  
He'd thought Toby would never find anyone "good enough". If the candidate wasn't "too young", he was "too cynical", "too soft", "idiot" . When he finally, reluctantly, agreed to hire a young lawyer, everyone let out a relieved sigh. Sam saw a lot of himself in that man - and the fact that he'd come back after the first meeting with Toby told a lot about his courage, and motivation for the job, as he'd pointed out to Leo and the President.  
  
Mark Spender, the "new guy", spent the last week of June with Sam so he could catch up on what was going on. Then, packing time had come.  
  
*****  
  
A movement behind him brought Sam back in the present. Mark was there, a box in his arms. They stared at each other for a while, then Sam said, "I'm going to let you get settled."  
  
"I'm sorry, it's just that-"  
  
"You're eager to get to work", Sam smiled.  
  
The young man blushed, and for a second, Sam could have sworn he was facing himself, seven years ago.  
  
"Any last piece of advice?" Mark asked.  
  
"Don't sleep with a call girl, don't try to hit on Leo's daughter, always remember that CJ is your first call, and try not to be too scared of Toby. He's someone worth knowing, once you get past the gruffness, and the shouting, and . you know."  
  
Mark laughed, nervously.  
  
"You'll do fine", Sam said. "Good luck."  
  
The two men shook hands, and Sam, after one last look to his office, went in Toby's. He just had the time to close the door before his boss began growling. "That little. Sam, he looks barely old enough to vote."  
  
"So did I when we first met."  
  
His boss muttered something, and Sam was almost certain he'd heard "You still do", but he went on : "And what did you call me at first? He'll do fine. He's good. Try not to kill him."  
  
"That won't be the same thing", Toby mumbled, and Sam felt his eyes fill.  
  
"He'll do great", he said in a hoarse voice.  
  
"Maybe."  
  
"Come, the others are waiting."  
  
"Leo and the President."  
  
"Already said goodbye."  
  
"Let's go, then."  
  
Sam was about to get out when Toby got up, walked straight to him and gave him a hug. "I'll miss you, and don't you ever, ever, repeat that."  
  
Unable to answer, Sam just nodded. The two men then joined the others, and together, they all walked out.  
  
*****  
  
Two days later  
  
"I want to sit by the window."  
  
"So do I ! "  
  
"Mom! Mike doesn't want to let me-"  
  
"Not true!"  
  
Sam and Lucy smiled. "Why did we think that driving to California would be better than flying to California?", he asked.  
  
"Go figure."  
  
"Ready?"  
  
"As ready as I'll ever be."  
  
They exited the apartment and helped the kids to get settled. As Sam was about to climb into the car, his cell phone rang.  
  
"Sam Seaborn."  
  
"It's Josh."  
  
"Hey."  
  
"I .You already left?"  
  
"We're about to. If the kids don't kill each other first."  
  
"I.no second thoughts? Cause Toby already killed the new guy and-"  
  
"Josh!", Sam laughed. "I'll call you. All. Often. You'll be tired of hearing me."  
  
"I doubt it."  
  
"I.I have to go. Thanks, Josh. For . you know, rescuing me in New York." Then, in an attempt to lighten the mood, he added, "In a way, all this is your fault."  
  
" You're welcome", Josh said simply, obviously meaning it.  
  
"Bye."  
  
"Bye. Safe trip."  
  
Sam hung up and looked at his family, gathered in the car, waiting for him.  
  
Smiling, he walked to them.  
  
THE END 


End file.
